Monday, 11 October 2010

The return of the feeder...

Time: 20.47
Calories: oh, millions.
Mood: pissed off.

Hi Reader!

I have a headache, my hands stink of vomit, and I have a deep feeling of self loathing? Guess who's back. After a successful two day fast, then two days of getting away with eating nothing but some veg, the feeder (ie. my boyfriend) has returned in full force. So today Ana has given way to Mia. I havn't binged by bulimic standards but i have by my own. Tuna sandwich, crisps, some carrot. Eugh i feel RANK. And I STILL have to have my stirfry dinner - luckily i can make it so no oil tah just one cal. GOD. I'm so depressed. I'm chuffed to have him home i really am but i was really loving the ana and it was starting to make a real difference to my body. My man was freaking out about my rib and hip bones which was so devine i almost melted.


Im going to post some more thinspo tomorrow or wednesday when hopefully ill feel better and all fixed. I really hope iv not put weight back on.


Rant.Over.  Blog soon.


Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Intake getting lower and lower

Time: 23.21
Calories: 150 (one coffee, one vodka)
Mood: Optemistic, Sick, Missy

Hi Reader,

Today was pretty successful - plenty walking and did all my exercises. Don't want to lose muscle mass now do we! So, I grabbed a coffee with a friend, then a vodka with another, then a cinema trip. Apart from that I've consumed nothing but water. Feel sick as a dog but its nice to have Ana close again. Cant wait to be skinny skinny skinny - just need to keep the boyriend off the scent.

I'm shatter and really really miss my man as he's working out of town...I feel dreadful that sometimes I feel happy when he's going away because I can stop eating again.

Blog soon


Last night and my goals...

Time: 10
Calorific Intake: Today 0, Yesterday 280 in alcohol, about 100 in coffee
Mood: Ill Again

Hi Reader,

So i feel sick again. Lucking i barely had a drink yesterday so i don't have to do too much exercise (5 vodka and soda waters at 56 calories a pop, 280 cals) and a 100 cal starbucks. So if i do plenty of walking and house work and some light push ups, core work and squats, maybe a wee run (although im super sick again) then il get that right back off :)

Today no alcohol so calories will be nice and super low. As long as I'm managing to get rid of 1500 cals a day (easy!) then I should loose AT THE LEAST two lbs in the five days, but I usually seem to loose more.

I definitely think this blog is helping me to keep at it. I'm definately going to try and keep my intake as low as possible after this fast. Maybe keep to about 800 cals a day. Then I'll still be losing at least two and a half to three lbs a week.

I've decided that i really just want a BMI of under 17. Im 5ft7 so that means I'd have to weigh about 108lbs, but tbh i would be happy at 110.

Okay guys, Blog later!


Tuesday, 5 October 2010


Time: 9.25
Calorific Intake: 0
Mood: Ill but optimistic   

Hey Reader,

So today is the start of my five day fast. I've done it before and I can definitely do it again.  It helps that I'm sick as a dog tbh! Its still pretty early so I've obviously not consumed anything yet - not even a glass of water. However if i DO consume anything (which i WONTWONTWONT) I will most definitely puke it right back out in its entirity.

Alcohol has its own rules (naturally).  I keep track of what I've drank and religiously run it off the next day, plus half of it again. So if i consume 500cals worth of alcohol then I have to work off 750 cals. Got it?

On that note must renew my gym membership - it died last week.

RIGHT. So to keep me motivated every day I'll post some of my very favorite thinspiration. This is the goal guys and gals!

Peace out

Ruby x

Monday, 4 October 2010

Why blog?

Time - 21.06 
Calorific intake - probably about 1000 (oh god) 
Weight - Incredibly obese
Clothes size - 6 - 10 (UK), 2-6 (US)

Hello Reader,

My names Ruby, I'm twenty years old and live in Scotland. I have what I know to be some pretty screwed up problems with food. No one really knows about how I feel about eating. My boyfriends referred to be as anorexic, but I would never take such a title. I feel I'm much too big to be considered anorexic. I can't however argue when he says I'm bulimic and obsessed with food.

Here I will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about my eating habits. I also intend to use this blog to collect thinspiring things, a bit like a scrap book of thinspo.

If I write it here i cant ignore it - its the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Today I have made myself sick twice. First it was a tin of minestrone soup - only 140 cals. I believe I got it all out.

Less than an hour ago I ate some pasta, sushi, crisps and a diet chocolate pudding. It came to about 1000 calories. I believe i was successful in getting at least 50% of this food out, but I'm taking no risks. I'm going to count today as a 1000 calorie binge.

I feel better for eating what i ate because i was sick. However, at the weekend i consumed about 3000 calories all in which is just disgusting, but it was my boyfriends birthday and i wanted to make sure that the focus of the weekend wasn't that i was unwell - it was him.

So tomorrow i start start my fast. Im hoping to also exercise through the fast if im better (iv been really sick the last couple of days). This total fast must last until Saturday.  If I fail then im doomed to be a fat girl forever and ever. After this fast my boyfriends home from his work so I'll find it hard to get away with not eating - but i must try.

Unfortunately, thin is everything for me, and its a goal I WILL reach.

Blog soon